Saturday, November 18, 2017

The New Emojis - NOT NECCESSARY! πŸ˜’

Hello, dear readers!

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE emojis. I don't know how it is with the Android community, but recently, the iPhone family had a new update. It includes a hella bunch of new emojis and some of them are actually cute and I'd use some of them a lot.

I like the ones with the two stars on the eyes. Also the mother, who holds a baby on her arm, is pretty sweet. :-)

(x)

However, I am so annoyed by unneccessary emojis that you wouldn't really use. Most of us haven't even used half of the old ones and probably would never. Therefore, we surely won't use all of the unneccessary new ones. -_- It's just a waste of storage space, to be honest, and that really pisses me off. 

Are you in the Android or iPhone crew?
What are the most unneccessary emojis in your opinion?
or Which ones are your favorites?

Friday, November 10, 2017

Emptying your wardrobe - TORTURE!

Hey hey! ^^
It's time to empty my wardrobe! I have clothes from 5 years ago, hello? πŸ˜‚ Unfortunately, I have never worn most of them. That time, I thought about wearing them if "I was ready for changing my style, but for now, let's just buy those beautiful clothes." ... What on earth?! Mini-me, why didn't you think through the fact that you're gonna grow out of it? πŸ˜‘
I'm selling the clothes I don't wear anymore online, so I won't be as broke as now, y'all feel me? πŸ˜† Can't wait to see more space in my wardrobe. πŸ˜

Do you guys know any good websites for selling your clothes? πŸ˜

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Fashion Ideas: School OutfitπŸ‘“

Hi everyone! πŸŽ€

I remember when I started to read blogs & the blogger I checked out daily was Sarah Hockemeier. Unfortunately, she doesn't blog anymore, but I like to think back about the interesting posts she published. I was especially interested in her posts as a teenage mom & was fascinated by the fashion collage she did for inspiration.

I just created my own collage on a German website. If I had enough money, I'd be interested to express myself through fashion. However, I am also totally fine with my minimalistic life & still can feel myself. πŸ’…πŸ˜‹

I thought about a cute school outfit. The colors are so bright, I love it! The colors suit to the winter season & it's totally wearable with a nice jacket. πŸ˜ I feel so girly right now. Even this blog is also for the male readers. πŸ˜‚

What do you think of that outfit?
Gentlemen, would you take out women who wear that kind of style? πŸ˜

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Verbal abuse IS a kind of abuse!


Yesterday, I published a post about how I got verbally abused by my host mom. Only the relationship between her & me was described. That's it. She is not a bad person in general. She is good with her kids & has skills. I got sweet, heart-warming mails and messages on Facebook from you guys. You told me about your similar situations and wished me all the best. I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart! πŸ’– You are the best and deserve the best!

Unfortunately, there were also comments that I want to bring up to you guys...

1.

Calling me out just because I told you about my own experience and because I wrote on my blog how I felt. Hold on... that's a blog! My blog! An online diary! How is that immature if you express your feelings? I didn't intend to make anyone bad, but shared my lovely readers what I experienced. Additionally, I even wrote on my latest post that I love the au pair concept and my agency, plus how thankful I am to have all the experiences and things that were provided to me by my host family to make me grow. That's why I don't see the point of claiming that I'd give the au pair program & the Department State a bad light. And uhmm... no, I didn't write that I asked my host mom to not treat me like a child. ^^ I wrote, "I told her she spoke to me in a way that discouraged me" & asked her politely to not speak to me in that way anymore. So, guys, as you can see: people always want to understand what they want to understand. πŸ’†

"From what I just read, I see you trying to show the world how angry and disappointed you are."
You got it! That's the point.

2.

I truly apologize to all the au pairs & victims of verbal abuse for having to read these negative comments under my post, lacking of empathy. This post is dedicated to you. I speak for you!
Reading all these comments, you can see that people mistake verbal abuse with physical abuse. And if you say 'abuse', it's automatically connected with the physical abuse. I understand that you might haven't dealt with this kind of matter. It's alright. It's always great to learn something new. :) I don't mean it in a bad way. Let's ask Mr. Wikipedia...

(x)

My host mom didn't do all of it, but I was gaslighted and this is definitely a form of VERBAL abuse. Did I mention that I was gaslighted? No? I told you that I wouldn't go into too much detail. If you want to connect with me and have questions, you can do it privately, but no... there are mad people needing to crank out some things that they think they know about. Way to go? πŸ˜…πŸ‘

These comments were written by people that apparently have a good experience with their host family. I am really relieved and happy for them that they got this lucky chance. But in general: if you downgrade a situation that is worse than yours or kinda take part on victim blaming, you're the part of the problem.

πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Enjoy your day, my loves. Peace out! ✌

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Au Pair: Verbally abused. Rematch.

Hey, my angels! πŸΉ

I mentioned (here) that my au pair year had come to an end earlier than I planned, but I only mentioned indirectly that I was in my au pair rematch. I'm truly sorry for keeping that topic back from the blog, guys. I wasn't ready to talk about it.

Then, when I went back to my homecountry, I filmed a video about why my host family sent me home & why my rematch could work, but didn't at the end.

IMPORTANT: It's based on my experience & my perspective. It takes two to tango. I love the au pair program (my agency was Interexchange & choosing that agency was the best decision I ever made - no advertisement). I thank my host family for taking good care of me when it comes to provision. And no prejudices, please. One au pair gets along better with a host family than the other. :) 

It was all fine with my hostmom at the beginning. I was impressed by her ability to use words. I counted my blessings: my au pair benefits (accommodation, etc.), an own bathroom, free weekends, gifts, I was allowed to use the car, gym membership was paid for me, etc. It was a LONG LIST! I felt like heaven.

Three months later, my host mom came to me & said she created a personal review about me. On that review, she wrote stuff what I did right or wrong & gave me points from 1-5. She did that on a quarterly basis. She sent me that review via e-mail and discussed with me about my work personally with that ugly list between us. Nothing wrong with discussing about the work, but a list of rating me? Really??? I read it and just thought "what the actual fuck" & tears came into my eyes. I just graduated from high school and now, I needed to be treated like I was in school again? Did I even ask for it? That list gave me a bad conscience & I tried to give my all. I knew I wasn't perfect & wasn't suppose to be, but that performance review put such a pressure on me. I didn't want to make her sad and disappointed in me after everything she gave me. We got along so well, I thought. I tried so hard to please her, it was ridiculous. I still made clumsy mistakes & felt worse. That review list could be compared with a diet. If you are on a diet & you don't lose weight, you jut feel like shit. The scale could be my host mom metaphorically, screaming that you didn't do any improvements. Or maaaaybe just little ones, but they didn't count because her fact was that I still had a long way to go. I felt like a robot. She must've thought I was a robot to fulfill all her fantasies. Because I was the host family's first au pair, she clearly had high expectations & judged me for more little details. It's good to get feedback, so that I could improve myself, but the way she spoke to me & used harsh words wasn't okay at all. She would say I did this good, but then there was another thing to complain about. I wished she could speak to me in a calm way, but... I remember her touching my shoulders with both hands and saying: "Loanica... this is serious, okay? This is BAD. [...]"


I told my boyfriend in tears about how I made my host mom feel. How I made her feel! No, I didn't focus on how she made me feel. I thought I was the only problem. I simultaneously felt bad about talking with my boyfriend about it because I thought: "After all, she gives me a lot & provides me very well, right?" He was the one who made me realize that she tried to manipulate me & all I did was just stating to him what happened. He told me that this whole thing was business relationship anyway & just because she provided for me, it didn't give her the right to treat me like that.

The relationship between my host mom & me became worse. I was isolated in fear. I was afraid to face her because I knew she'd judge me about something... again. My fear turned to dishonesty & she judged me for my dishonesty. I know my dishonesty was a bad thing, but there was a reason behind it. I believe in everything you do or think, there's a reason behind it. You need to find the root & then try to solve it if you're the cause. My hostmom didn't help anything at all, even though I spoke with her why I acted like that. I told her she spoke to me in a way that discouraged me. It was the nicest way I could put it. However, it was justified in some way I didn't understand. She also said I'd justify things when I did mistakes. Well, people who live in glass houses...

Well, now that was MY "performance review" about her. There were more things going on. Today, I sat in the library & little tears came into my eyes. I was so, so angry about me for not reacting when she once stated, "You weren't raised right!". There were so many times she threw her temper tantrums at me like a kid, trying to tell me I was thinking like a kid. She acted like she knew me 100% in such a short period of time. I was also angry with me for allowing her to treat me like a complete fool.
Then I reminded myself what I learned from all my experience that was totally worth it. I could improve myself looking at her judgments against me, not for her sake, but for mine. I'm more mature & expanded and changed my way of thinking, became much more confident than I used to be. I learned to handle things in a different way. Thanks to all that & my experiences during my au pair year. I forgive myself.


To au pairs: How is/was your relationship with your host family? Hopefully good!
To others: Have you ever been insulted/verbally abused before?